When the dream you bought isn’t what you hoped for

Sometimes I have this realization that I’m a schmuck. This sounds like a light hearted bit of self- deprecation but seriously, I am a schmuck.
How quickly I put up that white flag and admitted defeat in the cherry farming game. I feel quite ashamed of myself, leaving the problem in Damien’s court as I have. At the same time I feel it was the only possible option. I can spot a nervous breakdown miles away, and already I know that if I had to back up after each of the wild storms which are part of our new normal, I’d be a basket case.
I’ve heard from the previous farmer who owned the farm how he’s never seen storms like these that we’re getting all too frequently now. The last storms that hit us just over a month ago brought down one of our massive gum trees over on the river side of the property. It also brought down every panel of netting except one. Damien hasn’t even finished the repairs from the last big storm. To me this is the very definition of futility, and I haven’t the resilience to cope with that.
I re-read the post from a year ago when we were working out here on the farm together. Now Damo sets off for the farm in the mornings and I remain at home in bed happily ensconced in my academic world. The farm which we hoped would unite us now separates us for most of our days. I want us to refocus on what our farm dream was really about and see how we can work our way back to that.

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